Oh man, oh dear God, does it hurt.
Your Heart Gets Ripped Out…
Grief, a painful breakup, a blindside, a betrayal…
It hurts like hell.
It’s like having your insides taken out.
It’s like having your heart ripped right out of your chest.
It’s like you doubt you can ever recover. I mean, really recover.
You know, in fact, you can’t recover – you know you will never be the same.
It’s both a numbing empty carcass feeling as well as a sweating burning boil.
It’s a holy hell.
What can you do?
Well, yeah, you gotta sit in it. Ya gotta notice it, feel it.
Ya gotta breathe it, see it.
Ya gotta learn from it.
(And you will.)
Ya gotta sit in it. You gotta start to move through it.
You can then start to heal…
20 Things to Do to Heal a Heartbreak
1. Go out in nature
Remind that the world is big, and the universe is even bigger. Being outside you get a larger perspective. And I mean really get outside: Touch the trees. Taste the rain. Smell the dirt. Hear the wind. See the sky. Yes, sweetheart, remind yourself: this too will pass.
2. Get Seen/ Be Heard
Call a friend, a therapist, a 12 step meeting. Tell someone you are hurting. Tell someone exactly where it hurts. Describe it, cry it. Vomit your guts out til you feel seen and then take a step back. See if you feel any better? No? Call another friend. Repeat.
3. Take a Swim, Shower, Bath
Wash it away. Let the water rinse you clean. Feel the power of water. Visualize your hair, body and skin releasing these negative feelings, toxins, sadness, anger. Wash it away.
4. Get a haircut
Get a new do. Get a little pampering. Get your groove back…just a bit.
I mean, consciously. By taking in a mindful breath, we can remind ourselves that healing first comes from within. See the breath go into your body and nourish each tissue, organ and every cell. Breathe in for the count of 4. Breathe out for the count of 4. Repeat 12-20x. Do as often as necessary.
6. Sign up for a class
Karate? Yoga? Boxing? How about some French Lessons? Learning something new will get your mind out of the pain and remind you: we are always in process.
7. Plan a trip
Where have you always wanted to go? GO! Can’t afford it? Take a 1-2 hr drive for the day. Grab lunch somewhere. Bring a book. Do some window shopping. It’s YOUR vacation! Do what the hell you want!
And I mean the challenging kind. The kind that pushes you into a sweat. It could be a yoga class, a spinning class, an aerobic class…something that will get your heart pumping and make you feel alive!
Get out your journal and, instead of spinning on the he said/she said or the deepness of the loss, how about making a list of gratitudes? What, in your life, are you grateful for? The Seasons? The laugh of your children? Your favorite tv show..it’s a miracle how good this can make you feel.
Oh yeah, baby! Get the music on. Pour it out. Yell it out. Belt it out. It feels amazing to release this. Have a list of 5 songs that you can start to learn the lyrics to and get to singing.
11. Have a cup of hot water
Yeah, you can put honey and a tea bag in it if you want to, but I find just a simple cup of hot water makes me feel so nurtured on the inside. Add pjammies and a good book and you got yourself a cheap date.
12. Create Art
Color, paint, write poetry…there is something amazing about the work that comes out of allowing your raw, exposed self to put it out for everyone to see. It’s a healing process to do the work and a healing process to see what came out.
13. Be of Service
Your pain is real. You aren’t denying it. It does help, though, to offer to give to another. In our greatest moments of struggle, after you sit in it, then you need to get in action. Make that action one of service. It’s heart healing.
14. Get a Massage/Facial/Pedicure
Touch – it might unleash a lot of emotion while you are in it but it’s one of the best ways to allow the process of healing. It’s a way to treat ourselves as fragile and sacred cause, well, we are and it’s also a great way to allow the neck/shoulder tension to have an opportunity to release. You are in pain. You are locked up. Can you let someone in?
For me, one of the best ways to deal with heart pain is to understand it and/or connect with others who are trying to understand it. Find a book, a chat room, a blog…start to investigate. Hey, you know what? You are not alone. And you will recover. They have.
16. Clean Your House
This is a big one. If your house is a mess, it’s hard to relax. It’s hard to feel safe and nested. At a time of pain, you need this. You need a soft place to fall. Clean up that kitchen. Put some fresh sheets on the bed. Pamper yourself with fresh flowers. You deserve it.
Watch a funny stand up comedian or rent a really funny movie. Laughter is indeed the best form of medicine by yourself or with a friend. Get to laughing. I recommend watching only funny/light movies when you are in crisis mode. Scary, sad or intellectually thrilling movies turn on the thinking brain…and that can take you down some dark paths that you are not ready for. Watch at your own risk.
Forgive yourself of any regrets that you might have. Oh well. Just say it over and over and over again. Yeah, you are not perfect, no one is. Perhaps you should have said something different, done something new, you didn’t. Oh well. Breath in the word ” Here” Breathe out the word ” Now” All we can do is be present.
Write a letter you may or may not send. Own up to where you think you fell short and repeat #18.
20. Be Quiet
To some of you that means pray… to some of you that means to meditate…to some of you that means to simply sit still. Get quiet to observe the quiet around you. Notice…you are here. You are breathing. You are right now. You are connected. You are not alone. You are okay. You are here.
We don’t want to feel Pain. We want to jump out of our skin to avoid it. What if we did the opposite?
What if we changed PAIN to:
What if we went in and tuned in?
Tuned into your Inner Gaze, your Inner Wisdom, your Inner Voice.
Tuned into Nurturing yourself by sharing yourself, loving yourself.
Tuned into those familiar reminders:
This too will pass, it always does.
It always works out in the end.
And if it didn’t work out, it means it’s not the end.
It’s a beginning.