I’m thinking about money this morning. I’m thinking of the piano lessons, the art classes, the Costco trips, the plane tickets to Florida for the kids and I to visit Nana this Spring. I’m thinking of the money going out and the money coming in. The money going out and the money coming in. It’s quite powerful, observing this flow of energy and the emotions attached.
It all started a little while ago when I noticed myself and the way I felt each time I sat down to do my billing. Since the beginning of adulthood, every other week I would be filled with such anxiety and dread as I sat down with my checkbook. Every month, for years, I could feel such feelings of resentment as I would pay my Verizon bill, my Comcast bill, our big-ass Health Insurance bill. Every month, I would feel truly angry about the money that had to go out every month. The epitome of a Scarcity Mindset.
At the same time as this, on the other side of my money perspective review, I would hear from potential clients who wanted and/or needed my services of Personal Coaching or Private Lessons but for whatever reason, felt that they couldn’t afford spending the money on them. (I know my services aren’t for everyone, so here I am referring to folks who truly were invested in wanting to do the work but felt they couldn’t commit financially.) I would have discussions with these potential clients who felt that an investment in their Mental Health was too selfish, too risky, etc. Folks who felt that working with a coach to help them design lives they loved was too self -indulgent and frivolous.
I found it fascinating at how differently we all look at our spending. For me, I rarely balked at spending money in this way. I have worked with coaches, mentors, therapists, teachers throughout my life and frankly, for me, I didn’t have a choice. I needed outside guidance and accountability for me to function in basic healthy ways and those investments have done me very well. As Henry Adams reminded us, “a teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” Those lessons became a part of me and how I function in my life now in all ways – as a teacher, a parent, a lover, a friend. And I am so eternally grateful for those lessons and my putting allowing myself access to these paths.
But when I looked at the rest of my spending, I felt very differently. I was extremely blocked. For example, I felt great joy in sharing my money with Joey’s piano teacher as I know she is giving him a gift that will sustain him throughout his lifetime, but I despised giving it up for my cell phone bill. I felt very giving when it comes to Jake’s art classes, which he enjoys tremendously, and because I know I am supporting an artist and her family as she uses this money to provide for them, but I resented having to pay for the monthly membership to Netflix.
That’s when it hit me. But I like having Netflix! I like having my cell phone! I love having a warm home. I love having cable tv. Where was this resentment coming from? It was blocking so much joy in my life and yes, dare I say it, flow. I was blocking a very powerful flow. So, I have been cleaning it up. Every time I spend money now, whether it’s at the gas station or handing it to someone standing outside a restaurant, I find the feeling of appreciation or service or sharing and I spend my energy on that. It feels so good. Money, money, money, money feels so good to bring in and share out and bring in and share out. It feels right.
How do you feel when you spend your money? Look at what you have spent money on recently…what did you spend it on? What do your spending habits communicate about what is important to you?
Fun to ponder!
As always, may this be of benefit!