I’m Not Scared Anymore

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For the last few weeks, I have been letting a series of things go.  I wasn’t even really conscious that I was doing this until about 10 minutes ago.  And here I am.  Pulling out this keyboard now and typing it out.  I am sharing it with you.  It’s real time.  I am gathering it up and sharing it as I make sense of it myself.

I have been working very hard over the last 4 months or so doing some intense inner work around trauma.  Partnered with the fact that, over the last year, I have been fortunate to have met, and be in a relationship with, the most patient, loving and wonderful man who has provided me and gifted me with the greatest and most real love I have ever known.  (Him’s my babycakes.)

I am guessing, these two, have worked in sync, to safely and gently crack me open.  To give me the inner courage and to open up to my inner whispers of what it is I need to get done…what it is I need to put into effect…to have what I most want to show up in my life at this time.  Here.  And now.  And dagnabbit, it’s working.  

The warrior in me, the survivor in me has now softened just a bit.  I’m in full action but my edges are smoothing out.  I’m trusting.  I’m relaxing.  I’m getting things done.  I love my life, my schedule, my friends and the family I choose.  When I look in the mirror or in the eyes of my loved ones, I see myself in my truest and rawest forms and ya know what, she’s a BOSS.  I have faith in this unraveling.  I am in mindful surrender.  And I’m a BOSS.

 This process of letting go of things has been relatively so easy, it’s kinda crazy!!  I am sitting here and looking back and watching how it all unfolded.   Not perfectly stress free but pretty damn close.  It feels simple.  Like I am just shedding the parts of me that no longer fit.  Things like holding onto relationships that are abusive and painful.  Things like worrying so much about other’s feelings that I deny my own.  Things like putting other’s needs in front of me and forgoing my needs of security and safety.  Things like undervaluing my services or giving away some of my greatest work for free.  Things like letting go of yoga classes that were hard for me to get to.  Things like unconsciously spending money and not having enough of a cushion to relax.  Things like telling people yes or no or it’s not working…Things like embracing the fact that sometimes it’s not you…it’s me.  And that’s okay.  There’s work to be done.  Ok?  

It’s a scary place…but I just don’t feel scared anymore.  

I am stepping up into greatness, ya’ll.  And I’m not even afraid to say it out loud.  Holy Shit.  

The shift is from inside out and I’m here.  It’s not arrogance or even confidence.  It’s me.  It’s the beauty of being Raw, vulnerable, strong, needy, loved, loving, insecure and ready. 

I’m stepping up to Greatness.

Come With Me.

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