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Yeah, I don’t know. 0

Yeah, I don’t know.

About 7 years ago, I had just finished teaching a very fun Yoga for Beginner Class at the then Oak Park Yoga.  In a great mood, immediately following the class, I was sitting in my car at a red light listening to NPR.  There was a story on about something I was interested in.  I can’t remember exactly what it was and what exactly was said, but if I recall it was something about breath.  As I was waiting for the light to turn, the announcer said something that COMPLETELY contradicted something I had JUST told my class about breathing.  I mean, it felt like it was in complete opposition to what I had just shared with a group of people minutes before. I do not remember the exact sticking point but what I do remember is the moment I heard this said on the radio, the exact moment my body flushed with this horrific embarrassment, was the exact moment one of the students that had just attended the class pulled up next to me.  As I sat there completely flooded with shame and self- loathing, she rolled down her window to tell me what a wonderful class and wonderful teacher I am.  I’m her “favorite teacher to study...

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All The Time

Grief and I can’t care what people think. I’m done. I am so humbled to the mystery of life.  I sway back and forth to the dark nights that hover around me all the time, the bullies in the bushes. I am humbled.  Humbled also to the mystery of the deep unknown because where exactly is he?  I can feel a playfulness in the heavens, in and all around me, hugging me, smiling at me – like a playful little rendevous around me all the time. I’m ballet-toeing on the edge between the knowing and the unknown. Today the storm is thawing.  There is heavy ice melting.  The sky is overcast and it’s an unseasonably warm day.  The grounds are soaked and the sounds of dripping water is everywhere.  It’s a crisp cool air blowing in my face.  I need to write this down.  What down?  That there are sales and leasing signs every where I look? Do you feel me now? I looked at the porch door, and just as I thought, it’s swollen from the storm and no longer fits in it’s frame.  The door banging is added to the background. Write this down:  I am satisfied. Here, I am satisfied.  I see the beautiful orchid, it...

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Live Deliberately 0

Live Deliberately

“How do you feel?”  If you have ever worked with me privately or in classes, you will hear me ask this hundreds of times.  “How do you feel?”  Most of the time, people will respond with “Good” “Bad” “Better”.  Yet, those are judgments, as if sad is bad and happy is better.  What if that is not true?  What if it IS just what it IS? A more interesting examination instead, is to explore the question “how do we feel” and then, continuing on, asking it further “and what does that feeling feel like”?  How does a feeling of shame or worry or confident feel on you, in you?  Can you go into that feeling curiously and describe it, embrace it even, until it washes away into the next feeling? Can you ride this pattern without getting swept away by it? For example, this morning I woke up feeling slightly agitated which is not usual for me.  So, in my meditation this morning, I asked myself, “Okay, agitation, what do you feel like?”  Then I spent time really feeling it. It feels like… an unfocused mind…a restless body. Then, we can ask ourselves a pondering question like “what are the thoughts I have swirling today that are causing this...

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Funny with Money

I’m thinking about money this morning.  I’m thinking of the piano lessons, the art classes, the Costco trips, the plane tickets to Florida for the kids and I to visit Nana this Spring.  I’m thinking of the money going out and the money coming in.  The money going out and the money coming in.  It’s quite powerful, observing this flow of energy and the emotions attached. It all started a little while ago when I noticed myself and the way I felt each time I sat down to do my billing.  Since the beginning of adulthood, every other week I would be filled with such anxiety and dread as I sat down with my checkbook.  Every month, for years, I could feel such feelings of resentment as I would pay my Verizon bill, my Comcast bill, our big-ass Health Insurance bill.  Every month, I would feel truly angry about the money that had to go out every month.  The epitome of a Scarcity Mindset. At the same time as this, on the other side of my money perspective review, I would hear from potential clients who wanted and/or needed my services of Personal Coaching or Private Lessons but for whatever reason, felt that they couldn’t afford spending the money...

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Good Morning, Mary Sunshine 0

Good Morning, Mary Sunshine

My grandmother was a world traveler.  Most of my childhood, in fact, she lived overseas.  She smoked the long brown cigarettes, which felt very sophisticated to me.  She was not super snuggly, but I admired her so deeply and she loved me well.  When she would come to visit us, or we would visit her, she would greet me in the mornings by saying, “Well, good morning, Mary Sunshine.”  It always made me so happy to be in her positive sights.  I felt so glad to be seen, to be alive, to be reminded that it was indeed a good morning and I was indeed a ray of sunshine.  Her acknowledgement made it more easily for me to see this in myself.  “Good Morning Mary Sunshine” told me of my light. Our Healthy Habit this month in the Inner Circle women’s mindset coaching group is building a Morning Routine.   I like to teach this habit to my clients, because a solid (and personal) morning routine is the most important Healthy Habit we can build in our daily lives; as it is this one habit that creates the space for all others to follow.  It is time for you to be with yourself to organize or set the tone for your entire...

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Who Am I? 2

Who Am I?

If you have worked with me privately, you have probably heard me tell this story more than once.  It was a pivotal moment in my spiritual practice.  Years ago, I was in a meditation asking myself: “Who am I?  Who am I?  Who am I?”  Over and over again.  Deeper and deeper I went, seeing myself as “Mother”, “Body”, “Breath”…deeper down until I rested briefly on “I am Love.”  Yet, as soon as I was about sit and smile there, I heard a whisper bubbling up as if to say “Or am I hate?” It was a moment that changed my life.  In that moment, I realized I really could be either one.  I could be Love or I could be Hate… there isn’t a right way or a right answer.  Think about that for a minute!   We don’t HAVE to be a principled person. We don’t HAVE to be kind to children or the elderly.  There is no judge or jury watching over us, in my opinion, it’s just choice.  Oh, and consequences.  That’s it. It was in that one moment, I realized that both paths (all paths) are open to me; it’s which path do I want to live the consequences of?  The results that come from a...

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